


la douleur exquise

by aliteraryaddict



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Death, F/M, Forgive Me, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, One-Sided Love, Sad, Short One Shot, no happy ending, yellow carnations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-16
Updated: 2017-09-16
Packaged: 2018-12-30 10:30:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12106776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aliteraryaddict/pseuds/aliteraryaddict
Summary: Love does kill. One-sided love is a deadly diagnosis.The Hanahaki Disease is an illness born from one-sided love, where the patient throws up and chokes on flower petals when they suffer from one-sided love. The infection can be removed through surgery, but the feelings disappear along with the petals. The second way is for the person you’re pining for to reciprocate your love.The Hanahaki disease is NOT harmless. If not treated the patient will suffocate, growing flowers will eventually clog up the respiratory system and the windpipe leading to eventual death due to lack of air.





	la douleur exquise

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own any of the characters, all Percy Jackson and Heroes Of Olympus characters belong to Rick Riordan.

You always crushed on girls who should never return your feelings. It was safe, it avoided any kind of actual love forming, protected you from the pain that came with unrequited love. You don't know where you went wrong, when you started to fall in love. You had always been so _careful_  with girls, you had never thought it could end this way, never believed Jason Grace would be the one to kill you in the end.

* * *

_It was a small scratch_ at _the back of your throat at first, you barely even noticed it._

You had been talking to Jason about a movie you had seen over the weekend with Jake, arms flying around hazardously as you explained the action scenes with sound effects. Piper joined the two of you midway through your retelling, placing her backpack down onto the chair two down from Jason and sat beside him. You continued telling the story, ignoring the tickle at the back of your throat when he leaned over and kissed her, looking at her with a dopey smile and love in his electric blue eyes. You clear your throat into your hand and life went on.

* * *

_Next came the coughing. It came slowly, almost gentle at first, but took until your whole body shook from the force of it for you to realize you had a problem._

You had your mouth shoved into your elbow, eyebrows furrowed as you wheezed. The fits were more frequent, and it was starting to become painful. You know your family didn't have the money to waste on a doctor’s visit for something as small as a cold, but you were starting to get scared. When you inhaled it felt as if your lung was being stabbed in several different places simultaneously, it hurt enough to make your eyes water up now.

Jason looked over at you, face illuminated the movie currently playing, concern on his face. "You okay?"

"Yeah, just a small cough," you reassure him, waving him off with a forced smile. You tried to hide the fact that you continued to cough, but the way your body jerked showed him what you wouldn't say. "Jesus Jay, I'm fine, I swear." You gag, and suddenly throwing up all over the theatre floor, already sticky from spilled soda, doesn't seem too gross. Piper leans forward, looking across Jason at you.

"You don't look so _f_ _ine_ ," she whispers. You sigh and shake your empty cup.

"Out of soda,” you whispered, hacking as quietly as you could, “I think I’m chocking on a kernel. Gonna go get a refill, be back in a bit." She nods at you, and leans back into her seat. Jason watches you a few seconds, almost as if he can't decide on what he wants to say before he settles on nothing. He turns back to the screen, tugging Piper closer into his side. Your lungs ache, and you stand up, shuffling down the aisle and making a break for the doors as quickly as you can. You stand in line for fifteen minutes, waiting so that you can get your Coca-Cola ICE refilled, not minding that you’re missing the movie. Piper picked it out anyways, you were never really big on thrillers yourself.

You see them when you reenter, pressed up against each other in a way that was still modest. They’re in the back, so no one can really see them, and it’s not like they’re doing anything illegal. Jason is just leaning over the armrest, kissing her senseless. You looked away as you started choking on nothing again, the fire back in your lungs.

Jason is upset you left without telling either of them and Piper won’t talk to you for a week.

* * *

_It's_ _when you realize you're in love with Jason, that you've been in love with him this whole time, that the flowers start to come._

It hits you when you aren’t really thinking about it. You’ve gotten better at hiding your coughs, better at lying to everyone about it just being a cold.

You’re sleeping over at Jason’s house, and the two of you had spent a majority of the night sharing your feelings. He talked about college, and his dad, and his relationship with Piper. You shared that you planned on traveling after high school, disappearing. You talked about how weird it was that you were both legally adults, that there was only a year left. You revealed how nervous you were about your little trio after graduation, and he reassured you that there was nothing to worry about, you all would be friends forever no matter what.

You felt safe and happy, curled up against his side in one of his sweatshirts and your boxers. Your content, and for the first time in a long time, you feel happy. Being around the blond makes you feel safe and secure, you know he’ll never let anything bad happen to you.

It is then, as your drifting into a very peaceful sleep, that you realize you are very much in love with your best friend, and you may have been for a while now. Delirious and fatigued, you smile at the thought, forgetting how dangerous that could be.

You wake up in the middle of the night, body shaking violently with coughs. You stumble to the bathroom, trying to be as quiet as possible so as not to wake up your sleeping friend. You shut the door behind you and lock it, flipping the light switch on.

You’re covered in a thin sheen of sweat, curly hair matting itself down onto your forehead. Your skin is paler than normal, missing its normal warm hue. Something tickles your throat from the inside, uncomfortable and soft and dry all at the same time. You’re choking, trying to push whatever it is out so you can breathe again. Something yellow falls out, and you catch it in your hands. It is a flower, yellow in color, with leaves crushed and speckled with blood. You swallow thickly, flushing the flower and trying to get rid of the sudden panic and fear it brought along with it.

You know then that you are royally fucked.

* * *

_You are good at hiding it, but eventually people start to notice_.

 _First was Jake_. You were watching the Kardashians on the television, sitting on opposite ends of the couch, when you accidentally puked up a dozen yellow carnations. You had looked them up after the first one at Jason’s had come, and had cried at how accurate they were. Yellow carnations were the symbol of disdain or unrequited love despite being such a lovely and happy color. He had looked at you with concern, but you refused to acknowledge him, not making eye contact. He went into the kitchen, leaving you worried that he may have called your dad or told your older brother Charles, but instead he comes back with a glass of water and sits back on the couch beside you. He waits until you are ready, and listens to everything without interrupting.

 _Next was Will Solace_. You had never really talked to Will before he found out, the two of you did not operate in the same social circles. Sure, you knew Nico well enough, but that didn’t mean you were on a secret-keeping level with his boyfriend. He had heard you vomiting and coughing up the flowers in the bathroom on the third floor between lunch and AP Art, had thought it was someone bulimic, and had burst into your stall. The words died on his lips as he watched you helplessly suffocate on the beautiful flowers. He helped you after that, in a silent way. Medicine that eased the pain associated with flowers forcing themselves out of one’s throat made their way into your backpack as well as some tiny cough drops that eased the intensity of your experience.

 _The third was Jason_. He was over at your place, working on a project for school, when he knocked over your trashcan. The contents had spilled everywhere, and you had tried to stop him as he started to pick it up. He was knelt down with his back to you, so you couldn’t see or read his expression as he noticed the amount of yellow carnations smeared with crimson that had dried black. He wouldn’t talk to you, was too angry at himself for not noticing, at you for not telling him. You wanted to cry when he left, suffering silently in the three days it took for him to talk to you again.

After Jason it didn’t matter. Everyone started finding out slowly, and you knew from the way people began to act differently around you that your secret was out. Your fits were far beyond your control anyways, you wouldn’t have been able to hide it for much longer. Piper was sad, and you could see the pity in her eyes as she looked at you, snuggled safely into Jason’s side. Your dad is home more often, watching you carefully when he thinks you won’t see, setting aside things for you to eat or drink, taking care of you in subtle but meaningful ways.

* * *

_You don't want the surgery, not that you could have afforded it in the first place. You had just discovered these feeling for Jason, you didn't want to get rid of them. They were beautiful, and made you feel light as butterflies filled your stomach, even while the thorns ripped your lungs apart._

Charles takes you to the doctor who explains the severity of your condition and recommends surgery. You pick at the white paper your sitting on as you refuse, confusing both the doctor and your brother. You slide off the table and tell your brother to take you home.

You know your family could never afford that kind of surgery, not that you’d want it if you could. It causes a rift in your relationship with Jason, who has no idea what you are going through. He can’t understand that even while it is killing you slowly and painfully, this love is so precious to you. You can’t imagine what life may be like without loving Jason Grace, and you never want to have to.

* * *

_You don't realize how badly this unrequited love hurts until you get rejected._

"Who is it that you love so much you're willing to die for them?" He starts the fight again, the same one you had been having for the past month as you got worse.

"Jason,” you warn.

"Tell me who the hell it is. Tell me who is stupid enough not to love you back. Dammit Leo, tell me who you think it is worth it to die for."

"You." You whisper, and you know you’ve messed up. His head snaps to you, and you flinch away.

"What?"

"The person I love, the one who doesn't and will never love me back, is you Jason." There is something in his eyes that makes it feel like he is a thousand miles away, and you watch something within him break. You know you can never take back this mistake, no matter how hard you try.

And here it comes, the denial and self-loathing you had hoped to avoid.

 _You can’t like him, he’s with Piper. You two are just best friends, maybe you’re mistaking your feelings._  

_He’s no good, why do you love him? You could do so much better, why him. He was causing your pain, why couldn’t he just love you back?_

He didn’t understand that you didn’t blame him, that you blamed yourself. That while the tingling sensation you got in your toes wasn’t the only reason you were allowing yourself to waste away. If you ever told him it was your sort of repentance for loving him while he loved Piper and your best friend loved him he’d call you an idiot. Not that you care. He knows now, and he blames himself, and no matter how hard you try to tell him it isn’t his fault he will always feel like it is.

_”Leo, I’m sorry. I, I can’t love you back.”_

_”I never expected you to.”_

You leave a trail of flowers coated in blood behind you.

* * *

_Jason tries to make you hate him, make you fall out of love to save you, but you know. You know, and you love him more for it._

No matter how hard he tries, no matter what he says to humiliate you, what he does to break you, it just makes things worse. You know what he’s doing, you’re not blind and you know Jason, but you also know it is far too late. You’re long gone, barely able to breathe as you produce more and more flowers daily.

He can’t save you from death, no one can.

* * *

_Jason hates the color yellow. He hates carnations. They remind him too much of you, remind him of the suffering he had helped inflict upon you. Piper tried to console him, but he didn’t know how to handle your death. He felt like it was his fault, the guilt weighing on him. He misses you. He places a bell-shaped flower bouquet, aqua-blue and violet in color, on your grave. He’s not sure how he feels, but empty is a pretty good starting place._

**Author's Note:**

> kind of rushed, but i wanted to put this out there and share it. thought it'd be fun, may go back and edit/add some more to it later.  
> as always, un-beta'd, so feel free to leave any corrections for any errors you see. this was written pretty fast over spare time in the last few days and i haven't looked over it too much so i apologize for any mistakes or things that don't make sense.  
> enjoy, and leave a comment below if you did!


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